A great challenge we often face as Lightworkers is to fully realize our empathic and clairvoyant gifts in a world that may never acknowledge or value them. Many of us are burdened with deep-rooted patterns of hiding or holding back, not allowing others close to us see who we are or what we’re truly passionate about. Sometimes our most extraordinary talents go dormant for many years before we have the courage to embrace them.
We even have to uncover ourselves from the weight of history and centuries of persecution, a history where mystics and healers, mainly women, were burned and tortured for expressing what came so naturally to them. A mystical connection with nature and direct communication with Source was distrusted and aggressively extinguished through shame, torture and execution in what is now called the Burning Times where some historians estimate that nearly 9 million women were burned as witches in 14th & 15th century Europe in the aftermath of the Plague, the most fatal pandemic recorded in human history. There are many other moments in history such as the genocide of Native American peoples and their culture throughout the Spanish conquest of the Americas that sought to suppress the wisdom of living in reciprocity with nature and God, favoring hierarchical religious structures that strategically led to massive spiritual disempowerment in the collective unconscious.
So when you start to explore your own visionary gifts and for some inexplicable reason, you’re embarrassed or afraid, it could be that you are tapping into the surface of a profound collective wound. You’re also being given a precious and holy opportunity to heal it once and for all within yourself and your ancestral lineage as we shift from the consciousness of separation into Divine Union and our personal empowerment as Beings of Light incarnate.
So what fears come up for me when I attempt to develop my gifts and talents? Well there’s the fear of being irresponsible, fear of being weird, fear of losing my sanity (that’s my personal favorite…the all-powerful “Am I going crazy?” fear). Fear of rejection and losing a sense of physical security can easily snowball into the terror of being ostracized or even killed. Overcoming these fears and seeing how they’ve affected my choices and confidence, no longer allowing them to hold me back from fulfilling my mission and living passionately, is an amazing contribution to the expansion of consciousness…but I’m also aware that these energies can be very strong and complex, as well as being forcefully conditioned into our society.
Fear is truly a great friend I can always count on. It always comes up to support me when I’m about to do something interesting! So let fear be a signal. When it comes up, welcome it and know that things are about to get real and passionate. It’s not a signal to stop and hide, it’s a signal to move forward and be seen.
One of the most fascinating experiences I’ve had in my life came to me buried in layers of fear. I was offered an unusual opportunity to do some spiritual and professional work in the Peruvian Amazon. Part of the challenge in taking on this work was that I would be off the grid for periods of time, unable to communicate with the outer world through phone calls or internet when I was in the jungle participating in shamanic ceremony. Under the guidance of a master shaman, I would be ingesting plant medicines, some of which are known to produce visions for several hours. The idea of this was daunting for me at first, to be in such a remote and unfamiliar area, cut off from the usual means of communication. I was also thrilled to deepen my graduate research on the Shipibo culture of the Amazon through direct experience of the shamanic practices that created their visionary works of art. My son was only six years old at the time and after an emotionally devastating divorce, I was following a demanding schedule filled with work, study and family responsibilities. I was overwhelmed with suffering and regret, but also ripe for an energetic reset, to leave the past behind and revitalize myself with hope and enthusiasm for my new life and artistic endeavors.
This calling to work in the jungle with visionary artists and shamanic ceremony held the promise of liberation from social conditioning about what my life should look like in order to bring happiness and success. Believe me, I had tried to do everything right, but the fulfillment that I was conditioned to believe I would receive by following that path remained elusive and I was ready to follow my own way. In my years of academic study, I had garnered a solid foundation of knowledge that I still draw from in all of my work, but it was in the jungle, as I immersed myself in powerful purification processes, that I found and learned to trust my inner knowing. The light that was revealed within me unraveled and burned through centuries of trauma that had obstructed my voice and my capacity to transmit the divine frequencies that now easily come through my channeled transmissions. The jungle offered the purest sanctuary to face the terror that came from archaic collective wounds of control and oppression. The master shaman guided me through the most treacherous dimensions of the unconscious mind to excavate these energetic obstructions, bring it all up to the surface, and then cleanse and purify the layers of fear inside of me. I had to acknowledge what had occurred, to feel it with all my being and then surrender completely to Love.
In ceremony, a physical purging of the body occurs in order to release its density. This purging serves to raise the frequency of the body to receive and contain more light as we become embodied. The recalibration of the inner field is done through sound and visions where one is flooded with sacred geometrical forms that bring the molecular structure of the body into alignment with the Divine Self. Yes, the jungle is where I recognized my true essence and found the courage to forge a new way and destiny that looked very different from what I found in books or what I was conditioned to believe I wanted. The jungle is where I learned to trust and felt for the first time what it’s like to be fearless and original.
Ultimately, I connected with the indigenous culture of the region in a way that I’ll never forget as the experience profoundly touched my heart. I had the opportunity to live among the Shipibo women shamans, filming and documenting their art for my research. This led to my first independently curated exhibition for the Frost Art Museum in Miami that featured a unique collaboration between contemporary artist Maria Lino and Shipibo artist Olga Mori. (CLICK HERE to see the SHARED THREADS Exhibition and learn more about Shipibo women artists and shamans of the Amazon jungle)
The traditional ayahuasca dieta requires the seeker to live off the grid in the jungle for a period of about two weeks, participating in a series of ceremonies while fully immersing themselves in the environment of the jungle. The thought of living off the grid and not being in communication with my son brought on tremendous fear and anxiety that almost caused me to cancel my first dieta several times. That fear soon became a crucial lesson in letting go of control that would continue to serve me throughout my Amazonian adventure. I had to learn to value myself and my work. I had to trust the Divine Presence that was guiding me and my supportive parents that had lovingly agreed to care for my son while I was away. I learned that even though I was afraid, I could lean into trust and do it anyway. I had to see that this very special calling was a rare opportunity that I was worthy of receiving.
From the moment I said yes to her call, the plant’s medicine began to work on me, softening my limited human perception, transmuting everything that said “I can’t do this” into infinite possibilities of adventure and delight. The potency of the master plant, affectionately referred to as la madrecita, is that she teaches through vibration and heals in ways that go beyond the distortions of the mind to give us a tangible experience of our most expansive Divine Self. All this happens within the sacred container of ancient ceremonies and the visceral beauty of the jungle, where many report breakthroughs that seemed unimaginable before, even after years of psychological counseling and therapies.
In the shaman’s jungle sanctuary, I lived in an individual shelter called the tambo, a simple open-air hut with a cot and hammock. I participated in ceremony every other day with the other participants, about 12 of us. The rest of the time we were expected to be in silence, internally processing all that was occurring in our inner world with the support of the jungle. We weren’t allowed to bring books to read or devices for listening to music, or to indulge in any of the ways we normally escape silence in daily life, but we were encouraged to express ourselves through writing, drawing and prayer. We were given one meal a day, a strictly bland diet of quinoa, rice and plantains to support the energy work, nothing that would interfere in any way with the workings of the master plant moving through our systems.
On top of all that, we were forbidden to use any soaps or skin care products, including natural insect repellants, as these products and their chemical compounds would clash with the energies of the jungle. There was no plumbing or running water in this pristine and natural environment. Each tambo had an outdoor compost toilet and access to a natural stream for bathing. We also had plenty of fresh, filtered water to drink. In our open-air huts, we reluctantly shared our accommodations with bats and the occasional tarantula as we sensed the less sociable nocturnal animals prowling about close by. The jungle has it all. The intensity of being jolted out of my comfort zone into this strange situation with all its restrictions soon converted into a blissful union with Mother Nature and her mysteries. I felt completely nourished, safely enfolded in her lush bounty. Filled with gratitude and awe for this epic experience, my whole way of focusing on outer stimulation and accomplishments transformed into BE-ing inwardly aligned and inspired in a way that demolished all the fear and regret that I had previously functioned in. The medicine also unraveled that deep-rooted terror around really allowing myself to be seen and living my life as a visionary.
The challenges of the ayahuasca dieta are specifically designed to remove habitual ways of coping with discomfort, some of which may be very subtle. We have to actually face what lies beneath and drives those habitual coping mechanisms. We find ourselves in a sacred and supported space away from the responsibilities and routines of normal, everyday life. Purification processes that we see in all mystical traditions are particularly effective for uncovering traumas of the past and frequencies of separation that don’t allow us to fully embody as Beings of Light incarnate. Once those energies are neutralized and honored as a part of our history instead of vibrating unconsciously inside of us, attracting unwanted experiences, a tremendous amount of creative life force is released. Confusion and oppression transmutes into a daily experience of co-creation and sovereignty. We experience the inner strength and confidence to follow our dreams and live in a way that comes from a deep sense of wholeness. Pilgrimage, silent retreats, sweat lodge and vision quests all serve us in this way to powerfully and undeniably claim our divine birthright of FREEDOM.
Are you being called? We’re planning a summer Pilgrimage in Spain!
Sacred Mountains, Caves and Springs: Pilgrimage to the Black Madonna
Bilbao to Barcelona 10 Nights/11 Days (with a 3 Day optional extension in Mallorca)
June 26-July 6, 2022
Explore and receive the BLACK MADONNA and Her sacred expressions in Mary Magdalene, Isis and the Venus Light as we visit sacred shrines in Northern Spain.
Let me know if your Heart lights up when you see this!
Take a look at our itinerary HERE
Say YES to infinite possibilities of adventure and delight!